Pick a crate of lager, shandy or cider and we will knock 50% off a box of crisps. Take the crate
The difficult one

The hardest person on this list to buy for.

Somebody who already has the mud, the machinery and a shed full of things that nearly work does not want a tractor-shaped mug. Six things that a farmer might genuinely want, and four that they very much do not.

6 that work
4 that do not
1 obvious mistake
£40 the best one
The good list

Six that work.

ThingFromWhy it works
A day on somebody else’s farm /hiring/away-days/ Because farming is lonely and seeing how another unit does it is worth more than any object
The money course /schooling/the-money-course/ Gross margins, the multiple, and the arithmetic nobody teaches. It is the most useful thing here
A cask /maturing/casks/ Eight years is nothing to somebody who plans in rotations
Proper waterproofs /shopping/clothing/ Everybody has bad waterproofs. Nobody buys themselves good ones
A subscription to the failures /schooling/failures/ Free, and the only agricultural writing that admits to losing money
A share of an apprenticeship /gifting/a-scholarship/ The best present on this site for somebody who has everything and employs somebody who has not
The bad list

Four that do not.

ThingWhy not
Anything tractor-shaped They have seen a tractor. They saw one this morning and it would not start
A book about how lovely farming is Written by somebody who has never watched a crop fail in a fortnight
Hand cream It is a comment on their hands and everybody knows it
A hamper of things they grow Sending a farmer vegetables is the single most common mistake on this list
The argument

What a farmer actually runs out of.

Time, first, which nothing on this site can sell. Then good waterproofs, which everybody replaces two years late. Then, less obviously, contact with anybody doing the same job differently.

That last one is why the away days are top of the list. A day on another unit — a different rotation, a different soil, somebody else’s expensive mistakes — is worth more to most farmers than any object, and almost nobody buys it for themselves because it feels like a day off.

Which is the definition of a good present: the thing somebody wants and will not buy.

Wondering

For a farmer, questioned.

The same list, and the away day is even more likely to be right, because two people who never leave a unit together is the usual arrangement.

It is aimed at somebody who has never seen a gross margin written out, which includes a surprising number of people running farms. It has been taken by two contract farmers.

Yes, though the host will know somebody has booked. The card can say nothing at all.

It is fine if it is jam and cheese. It is bad if it is vegetables, and it is worst if it is vegetables they grow better.

Or ask the four questions.

It is quicker than this page and it knows about the other hundred and thirty things.

Across the estate

Elsewhere on the estate.

/estate/the-money/

/estate/recording/

/estate/sitemap/

Next along the route

Gifting, questioned

Carry on
Basket Book the pub Plot a field Join the list Bother us

Snooping, briefly.

We use a small number of cookies to keep your basket upright and to work out which pages people actually read. We do not sell anything about you to anyone, because that would be a rotten way to behave.

Read the detail