Coughing Up.
Blunt about money. Naming the pain reduces cart anxiety rather than increasing it, which is counter-intuitive and well-evidenced.
Nothing to pay for yet.
Put something in the basket first and this page becomes considerably more interesting.
How this one behaves.
One page
Not a five-step wizard with a progress bar that lies.
Guest checkout
First, and prominently. An account is offered afterwards.
Age assurance
Third-party, at this step, for anything with alcohol in it.
Every cost visible
Before the button, always.
The design note.
Every additional checkout step costs conversion. Every hidden cost costs trust. This is one page, with the total visible throughout, and guest checkout offered before account creation rather than after it.
- One page — Not a five-step wizard with a progress bar that lies.
- Guest checkout — First, and prominently. An account is offered afterwards.
- Age assurance — Third-party, at this step, for anything with alcohol in it.
- Every cost visible — Before the button, always.
The other states.
Loading
Loading a trailer. It pairs safely with Germinating for the spinner, so the two puns never collide on the same…
Shaking On It
A handshake deal, not a transaction receipt. The most under-used screen in e-commerce and the one people actually read.
Germinating
Progress framed as growth, never as a percentage. A percentage that stalls at 94 is worse than no percentage at…
Fallowing
"Nothing growing here yet. On a farm that is deliberate. On a website, less so." Always with exactly one route…
Trespassing
"You have wandered off the footpath." With a map back to the main sections, and the badger — which is…
Cocking Up
Uses Clarkson’s own documented words after the 2023 cider recall — "we completely cocked up". Owning the failure is the…
Straying
"You have lost signal. So has most of Oxfordshire." Which is true, and is the correct tone for a rural…
Breaking Down
A tractor in a field, and an honest estimate. "Back shortly" is not an estimate and everybody knows it.
The whole set.
Fourteen states, each named, each with a rule.
What people actually ask.
The two questions this page gets most, answered without a support ticket.
Where the planning condition applies it is, and we name the maker on the page. Where a line is made further afield — some of the clothing, some of the homeware — we say so rather than fudging it.
Two to five working days by tracked courier, and free over forty pounds. Perishables leave on a Monday or a Tuesday so nothing sits in a depot over a weekend.
