Germinating.
Progress framed as growth, never as a percentage. A percentage that stalls at 94 is worse than no percentage at all.
This is what waiting looks like.
A skeleton of the page you asked for, rather than a spinner over a blank screen. It is measurably no faster and it feels considerably quicker.
How this one behaves.
No percentages
Because they lie, and everybody knows they lie.
Skeleton screens
Rather than a spinner over a blank page.
Under 200ms
No loading state shown at all — it reads as a flicker.
Over 3 seconds
Say something true about what is happening.
The design note.
The research is consistent: a skeleton screen that shows the shape of what is coming feels faster than a spinner, even when it is measurably slower. A stalled percentage bar feels slower than no bar.
- No percentages — Because they lie, and everybody knows they lie.
- Skeleton screens — Rather than a spinner over a blank page.
- Under 200ms — No loading state shown at all — it reads as a flicker.
- Over 3 seconds — Say something true about what is happening.
The other states.
Loading
Loading a trailer. It pairs safely with Germinating for the spinner, so the two puns never collide on the same…
Coughing Up
Blunt about money. Naming the pain reduces cart anxiety rather than increasing it, which is counter-intuitive and well-evidenced.
Shaking On It
A handshake deal, not a transaction receipt. The most under-used screen in e-commerce and the one people actually read.
Fallowing
"Nothing growing here yet. On a farm that is deliberate. On a website, less so." Always with exactly one route…
Trespassing
"You have wandered off the footpath." With a map back to the main sections, and the badger — which is…
Cocking Up
Uses Clarkson’s own documented words after the 2023 cider recall — "we completely cocked up". Owning the failure is the…
Straying
"You have lost signal. So has most of Oxfordshire." Which is true, and is the correct tone for a rural…
Breaking Down
A tractor in a field, and an honest estimate. "Back shortly" is not an estimate and everybody knows it.
The whole set.
Fourteen states, each named, each with a rule.
What people actually ask.
The two questions this page gets most, answered without a support ticket.
It does not. Every commerce control here is a placeholder and no card details are collected anywhere.
In this build, none that leaves your browser. The basket is held in memory and forgotten when the tab closes.
