Hiring.
Everything on this estate you can book, hire or hold. Eight machines that would otherwise sit in a shed, a handful of rooms and fields, a corporate day that costs between five and fifteen thousand pounds, and two things we will not host at any price.
What is free in the next fortnight.
Machinery, rooms and days out all sit on the same diary, because they all compete for the same yard, the same car park and the same four people.
Tuesday8 September
Thursday10 September
Saturday19 September
Wednesday23 September
Pick a time and we will hold it for ten minutes. See what else is free
This is a demonstration build. Nothing here books anything, no deposit is taken and no card details are collected at any point. Prices are indicative and are published so the arithmetic can be argued with.
The five things you can hire here.
Kit-Share
Eight machines, day rates from £85, with what each one is genuinely bad at written on its own page.
Events and venues
The barn, the yard, the big field and a marquee licence that runs out in October.
Corporate away-days
Including Kaleb’s bootcamp, which is the one everybody asks for and the one he vetoes most often.
Driving experiences
Tractors, a Lamborghini that is a tractor, and the thing people expect that we do not do.
Retreats, off the holding
At partner sites, because the planning cap forbids anybody staying here overnight.
The constraint behind every page in this chapter.
Why almost everything here is capacity-limited.
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The car park decides everything.
About seventy cars, parked properly, on a surface that has to drain and be got off in February. Every event, tour, away-day and open morning on this estate is ultimately rationed by that number, not by the size of the barn.
It is why timed entry exists, why the driving days run four at a time, and why a two-hundred person wedding is a conversation about coaches before it is a conversation about food.
No booking system has ever created a parking space.
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Nobody sleeps here.
The planning permission for this site does not permit overnight accommodation. That is why the retreats are at partner sites in other parishes and are described that way on every page, rather than being quietly implied to be here.
It is the single most common thing people are disappointed by, and the answer has never changed.
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And there are four of us.
A day out that needs three staff is a day nobody is in the shop. That is a real constraint and it is the reason the diary looks emptier than the demand would suggest.
Everything else in here.
Timed entry
Capacity caps, why the car park is the binding constraint, and what happens on a bank holiday.
Weddings
The pub turns down every enquiry. Here is where we send them and what it actually involves.
Residencies
A fortnight, a space, no fee either way, and a requirement to publish what happened.
Filming and stills
What a crew costs, what it costs us, and why the answer is usually no in August.
Pub franchise
What The Farmer’s Dog would and would not license, and the sell-off clause that decides it.
Member windows
Booking priority and on-site slots that only exist for members, and what that costs everybody else.
Deciding
Viewers voting on real farm decisions, with an agronomist who holds a veto and has used it.
Your problem, on camera
You send the problem, we attempt it badly on camera, and Charlie explains what we got wrong.
The rules
What we need from you, what we carry, and the two things we will not host at any price.
The thing everybody asks for, and cannot have.
The most requested booking on this estate, by a distance, is to stay the night. A shepherd’s hut in the corner of a field, a barn conversion, a campsite in the big field — the enquiry arrives several times a week and it has done for six years.
The answer is no, and it is not a commercial decision. The planning permission for this site does not permit overnight accommodation, applications in that direction have a history, and the local authority has appeared in more episodes of the programme than most of the livestock.
So the retreats page sends people to partner farms in other parishes, at their prices, on their land, with their licences. It is a worse answer than the one people want and it is the only honest one available.
- Requests a week
- Several
- Beds available here
- None
- Since
- 2020
When something opens up.
One email when a machine comes free unexpectedly, when the away-day diary opens, or when a cancellation puts a date back on the board. It is short and it is mostly about tractors.
- Machinery cancellations, which are the useful ones
- Away-day and bootcamp dates when they open
- Nothing else, and never on a Sunday
