Breaking Down.
A tractor in a field, and an honest estimate. "Back shortly" is not an estimate and everybody knows it.
We have broken something on purpose.
Scheduled maintenance, with an actual estimate rather than the word "shortly". The shop and the pub are both still open.
How this one behaves.
A real time
Not "shortly".
What still works
Because usually something does.
Where else to go
The shop is open, the pub is open.
Updated
If the estimate turns out to be wrong.
The design note.
The only two things a maintenance page must do are give a genuine estimate and say what still works. "We will be back soon" does neither.
- A real time — Not "shortly".
- What still works — Because usually something does.
- Where else to go — The shop is open, the pub is open.
- Updated — If the estimate turns out to be wrong.
The other states.
Loading
Loading a trailer. It pairs safely with Germinating for the spinner, so the two puns never collide on the same…
Coughing Up
Blunt about money. Naming the pain reduces cart anxiety rather than increasing it, which is counter-intuitive and well-evidenced.
Shaking On It
A handshake deal, not a transaction receipt. The most under-used screen in e-commerce and the one people actually read.
Germinating
Progress framed as growth, never as a percentage. A percentage that stalls at 94 is worse than no percentage at…
Fallowing
"Nothing growing here yet. On a farm that is deliberate. On a website, less so." Always with exactly one route…
Trespassing
"You have wandered off the footpath." With a map back to the main sections, and the badger — which is…
Cocking Up
Uses Clarkson’s own documented words after the 2023 cider recall — "we completely cocked up". Owning the failure is the…
Straying
"You have lost signal. So has most of Oxfordshire." Which is true, and is the correct tone for a rural…
The whole set.
Fourteen states, each named, each with a rule.
What people actually ask.
The two questions this page gets most, answered without a support ticket.
It does not. Every commerce control here is a placeholder and no card details are collected anywhere.
In this build, none that leaves your browser. The basket is held in memory and forgotten when the tab closes.
